wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm bleeding and have questions
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