I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
