remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
