oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
