3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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