The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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