How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
