dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize