Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
