Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
