After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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