oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
