I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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