drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
