Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
