Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
