You just made me feel so damn special
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I AM VODKA MAN
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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