Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
