He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
