I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
