I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize