Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize