So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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