Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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