That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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