I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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