Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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