Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize