Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
