every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
