Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
