I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
