I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
