Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
