I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize