You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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