i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
