I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
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