I wish I could teleport
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
