I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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