you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
