i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
