see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
