I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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