I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
