My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
