i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
