well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
