i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Enjoy the penises
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
