yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
