someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize