I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
