I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
