im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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