he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
