How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
