dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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