Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
