I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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