Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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