I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
