Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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