Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
