Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
