Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Is that strawberry winking at me??
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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