Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
