I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
