??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
