Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
