I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
