Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
