My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
