i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
