I just saw a hot homeless man
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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