Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
