just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
