i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize