I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Randomize
